The Tower: Reflections on Personal Transformation

“The Lord is a man of War; Lord of Armies is his Name!”

2017 ended very differently than it had started. The world I had known for years was no longer there. The future that I thought I was heading into was no more. In August of 2016, I was brought to the path of the Tower. This would be the beginning of a series of events that has caused a deep transformation within me.Through this initiation, conducted by a group of close ceremonial brothers and sisters, I began this new path. And while I am still piecing together different stories and different narratives surrounding this transition, I thought it good to explore more deeply how the Tower energy can manifest in one’s life.

“It represents a Tower struck by a Lightning flash proceeding from a rayed circle and terminating in a triangle.”

The Tower is a major arcana card in the tarot deck that depicts a flaming tower being destroyed by a bolt of lighting. Fire burns and people are falling from the tower. It is ultimately a picture of destruction. It is known as the Active and Exciting Intelligence. On the Tree of Life, this key is known as the path of Peh (meaning “mouth” in Hebrew) and connects the spheres of Hod (Splendor) and Netzach (Victory). This then connects the intellectual and intuitive minds as symbolic of those two spheres. When the left brain and the right brain are in clear communication, a vast well of creative force is opened up. Yet, the connection is usually not deep enough for this to happen naturally.

“It is the Tower of Babel struck by the Fire from Heaven.”

The Tower is built up by the many experiences we’ve collected throughout our life. For a while I had been struggling to find a balance between my art, my work, my family, and my romantic relationship. It was as if each aspect of myself was for a different “I”, and I would be a different person in different situations. A recurring vision and intention of mine was to break the mold and unite all of these disparate selves that is contained within me. Little did I know that the walls would need to be fully brought down for that to happen. And I expected it to happen, I just didn’t realize the extent to which it would. Walking a path of healing and understanding, the proverbial “spiritual” path, is meant to change you for the better.

“It is to be noted that the triangle at the end of the flash, issuing from the circle, forms exactly the astronomical symbol of Mars.”

Now that I approached that deep alchemical fire, I learned a lot about how I was trying to hold up just an image of myself. Picture this: when we are born we have a type of innocence. It’s like a clear and undivided light of self. As we grow, each experience we go through lays down brick after brick. It creates a type of protection for that clear light within. Both good and bad experiences add another layer to this tower. Another very important thing happens when we reinforce this tower with painful experiences: we begin to identify with the structure itself. I have suffered; therefore I am suffering. I have been sick; therefore I am sick. Particularly painful or traumatic experiences reinforce the structure of this tower. It becomes all the more complicated when we forget that we aren’t the tower but rather that clear light behind it.

“It is the Power of the Triad rushing down and destroying the Columns of Darkness.”

Then we introduce a spiritual practice. In my case, it was aimed directly at confronting this very energetic tower that I’ve built up around myself. I would spend a lot of time meditating on the energy of this card. Over time it was becoming more and more apparent it has always been in my life, merely in different forms. As pictured in the card, the lightning bolt of that initiation struck the tower. But it doesn’t all come tumbling down at once. Instead piece by piece parts of myself begin to crumble. When we identify with those pieces it makes it all the more difficult and painful. Lightning strikes the tower and suddenly I have to find a new place to live. The ground rumbles shaking the whole structure and I’m suddenly finding a new career path. The kings that reside in the tower fall out of the blasted windows and my long term relationship ends suddenly. And so on and so on. What do I do? I begin to do an anxious dance of trying to hold up the pieces of the tower so that they don’t fall. This tower is me afterall! Right? Maybe I get burned a little bit in the process but the Tower is not going to fall down if I can prevent it.

Or so I hoped.

“Three holes are rent in the walls, symbolising the establishment of the Triad therein and the Crown at the summit of the Tower is falling, as the Crowns of the Kings of Edom fell, who are also symbolised by the men falling headlong.”

I had heard many stories of how this type of energy can play out in one’s life. I also know a number of people before me that had been initiated into this Tower energy. Some had utilized it for healing, but others I saw went a little off the deep end. One purpose turned into a raving mad man who up and moved to the other side of the country, and another whose ego grew 3 times in size, ultimately getting him removed from our circle of magicians. When one traverses a new path on the Tree of Life, calling in new energies, it takes some time to acclimate fully. How it manifests in our life will certainly be unique to each person, yet the process itself is archetypal, finding root deep into our unconscious.

“On the right hand side of the Tower is LIGHT and the representation of the Tree of LIFE by ten circles this disposed.”

Called the Lord of the Hosts of the Mighty, this key is ruled by Mars. An even older title attributed to this key is the “Destruction of the House of God”. It was to be expected that things in my life would shift. How quickly and fully that happened I don’t think I was prepared for.  

“On the left hand side is DARKNESS and eleven circles symbolising the QLIPPOTH.”

With so much shifting in my life it was hard to find the lesson in all of these synchronistic occurrences. Yet, what I learned (and am still learning) is that the Tower is going to fall. It’s archetypal and part of our consciousness. We all go through these processes. Instead of burning myself trying to hold up the crumbling tower, I realized that I’m just trying to prevent the inevitable. The pieces never fully vanish, but rather I learned I could guide those pieces to form a solid foundation in which to stand. Passing through this alchemical fire all that is impermanent will fall leaving only that which cannot fall: the Truth. That Truth is my truth of being. It is my personal purpose. It is also my cosmic purpose. It’s that clear light that was there from the beginning.

“I become Pharos Illuminans, which means an Illuminating Tower of Light.”

I set intentions for 2018, the main one being to get outside of my comfort zone. Since I knew this was inevitable because of the Tower energy, I wanted to embrace the change. Towards the end 2017 I had a few deep ceremonial experiences with Ayahuasca that opened my heart wide lighting the fires of this change. My sense of intuition had grown and suddenly I noticed a strong empathic feeling to everything around me. I was very sensitive and raw for months on end as I tried to integrate the experiences. This was in September 2017. Over the coming months, in this sensitive state, the alchemical process would begin to unfold fully.

Now in 2018 I have found that I am really out of my comfort zone but in a beautiful and emotional space. As I continue moving forward this energy opens up new doorways of experience and feeling. There was so much stuck energy in me that had built up over years that was now flowing. I feel lighter. There is still so much work to do and many things to integrate. Life has become a boundless yes. Thinking of the trials of Ma’at in Ancient Egyptian myth, my heart was nearly light as a feather. There is perhaps hope for me yet.

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